IF YOU DON'T PAY THE PIPER, DON'T EXPECT TO DANCE TO THE MUSIC

A new law has been passed in Congress by which all wealthy individuals who keep their finances in tax-free havens outside the U.S. cannot receive local tax based social services. Rich individuals who have their cash in places such as Switzerland, Bermuda, Cayman Islands, Barbados and other off shore banking paradises will not be protected by police, fire departments, libraries, road maintenance, water and sewer, and other amenities.
The effects of this law has taken an interesting toll on the tax evaders. Millionaire Tex Rideum, CEO of Patsy Investment Firm, was denied fire truck service when he reported a blaze at his home. Mr. Rideum is now living in the basement of what was once his $3 million mansion.
Bartha Steward, TV show hostess of 'Pretentious Pretties' and head of a multi-million dollar home beautifying business was denied police help when she called in a burglary at her home at the exclusive gated community of Ostentatious Oasis. Ms. Steward had to appear before the cameras for a week with a black eye and arm in a cast as a result of her melee with the robbers.
The family of Reginald P. Whiteguy III is having to use the woods for their ' bodily evacuations' after having the sewer lines tuned off on their Connecticut mansion. The odor from backup is causing them to have to live on the non-leeward side of the house and to keep the windows closed even in sweltering weather. On the plus side their woods are really lush from being well fertilized this year.
Manhattan dweller Mike Screwkowski of the 'What's The Beef?' burger chain has had his municipal water turned off. It is truly a strange sight to see buckets for catching rain water mounted outside each of the windows on his $4 million high rise condo.
Precious Morloch, granddaughter of media magnate Robert Morloch, was sent home in tears today as she was ousted from classes at the University of California where she was studying to be a drama queen in Theater. Morloch promptly launched a tirade in his newspapers, but was immediately overwhelmed by a tsunami of 'Letters to the Editor' from readers who could no longer go to school themselves or afford to send their kids. This was especially disconcerting to Mr. Morloch as the 'Letters' section is now its largest portion of his newspaper due to his having laid off most of the reporters. Also disconcerting was that half of the letters were from his ex-reporters.
J. Gatesbee, billionaire extraordinaire of the real estate firm Landgrab, was shocked to have his drivers license taken away by State Troopers while out on a cruise. He was forced to abandon his Lamborghini and humiliatingly walk back to his home in the Berkshires. “This is a crock!” he stated to reporters later, Why should I have to pay for roads that peasants use too?”
Shahashi Boudrahi, a software CEO originally from India, was denied entry at Kennedy Airport and had his US Passport taken away. “This is terrible!” he told radio station KRUD “How will I ever be able to get anything done from my home town of Kalihasbar? They don't have electricity there and no Starbucks!”
Mr. And Mrs. Anthony Trustfrump found their marriage was annulled. Their State marriage license was revoked and they were informed by the Boston State's Attorney that she would be considered a prostitute and he her client until the matter was resolved.
Most disturbing of all was the death of Mrs Joyce Brickbottom, wife of airline chief Race Brickbottom at their home in Lexington, Virginia. The local Coroner refused to pick up or examine the body, so the family was forced to move their deer meat out of the large freezer that they had and put her in it. Local detectives say that it is an unfortunate act of human nature, but that everybody has to go sometime. They did offer their condolences to the family and sent them a sympathy card at state expense.